Apr 30, 2007
657
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This story is pretty brutal. So if you like squirrels, or are a vegetarian by nature, or are a member of PETA, or extremely squeamish and faint at the mental picture of blood, or anti hunting, or any sort of tree or animal hugger, you are required by law of my request and warning to hit the back button and not continue reading this.

After short commentary between Mama Stoker (fatcat---uhmIdon'tremembertherestofthenumbers/letters) and I about squirrels, I wrote her this reply...

Also readers, picture yourselves a couple months back, on a gorgeously nice sunny afternoon in northern Minnesota, standing in a farmyard out in the country, with a few run down buildings, a couple nice sheds, some silos, and a half built house.

"I have a particularly horrible (I might have laughed so hard I almost cried about it) story about them.

First off, DISCLAIMER!!!! I have to mention that I am not a fan of gruesome things...but find them occasionally necessary. Squirrels are pests around here, and we have high populations of them. They are big and reddish gray (Fox squirrel variety)...and always making messes in buildings.

When I was 8-14 years old, I had one of those sweet as sugar high-power slingshots. I got pretty good with it, and occasionally managed to take a squirrel or two with a well placed rock. Usually the dog or cats were right there to take care of the rest of things.

Not too long ago, I picked up a beautiful little .22 rifle. I mean, seriously, that little gun is just plain old gorgeous and fits me perfectly! I put a scope on it, and got things mostly lined up so that I was getting fairly accurate on a target. I happen to love shooting by the way, not quite as much as a good ride on my faithful dirtbike, but it is still a pretty enjoyable pastime.

I had a friend (I call him Armyboy) come out to help me get things really fine tuned. I also recruited him to help me get rid of some pesky squirrels that had taken up residence in my barn. He readily agreed, and offered to teach me how to skin and cook one. I hesitantly, but curiously accepted.

Half way through the fine tuning process, one of the furry reddish gray culprits handily showed up! "Le Gasp, let's get it!" It couldn't have been a more perfect shot. No buildings in the background (or foreground), no branches in the way, and it was even pretty close. I lined up, and pulled the trigger. The gun did it's usual thing, but the squirrel didn't move. I figured that I had better try again, and did. It was just hanging there on the face of the tree. I took another pause and deep breath before lifting the gun to my shoulder again, thinking something along the lines of: "Ahhh....shouldn't this thing be falling down or something?"

I got kinda impatient and shot it about four more times until it finally dropped to the ground (quite dead). At this point, Armyboy giggles and says that I had killed it with the first shot, and that they have this sweet reflex that makes them cling on to the tree for a few extra moments, even after they are no longer alive.

We took trophy pictures, and began the skinning process, quite interesting, and only a little yucky. Armyboy put out some good machismo-ey action by using a pretty huge and fancy and very sharp K-BAR military knife. At one point, you stand on the tail and pull on the hide, effectively turning things sorta inside out, and the fur/skin coming off the rest.

In the quiet stillness of the country evening, Armyboy suddenly fell backwards to the ground, guts and gore and blood flying everywhere. When all settled down, he was sitting there holding the upper half of a squirrel. His machismo was slightly damaged by the event.

"Uhm...that wasn't supposed to happen."

"I think I put too many holes in it?"

"You did."

At that point, things seemed quite hilarious because Armyboy was sitting in the mud, half covered in mud and squirrel carnage, holding the pathetic, mostly inside out upper body of a red fox squirrel, with it's arms still reaching out as if it was being sucked into some invisible wormhole.

We were both in tears well before the laughter had stopped."
 
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Apr 30, 2007
657
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Trophy Picture

7535_1250843907124_1110271946_30797692_2190053_n.jpg
 

Porkchop

~SPONSOR~
Apr 27, 2001
341
0
Todays menu?

Hi Tolle PC here, YUMM YUMM, Fresh squirrel, marinated in Lea & Perrins wo-shire sauce with chopped garlic, caramelized onions, saffron rice, green beans, a tossed green salad, topped with a fine champagne vinegrette. Bon-ep-etee.... :nod:
Great story, Best Regards, Porkchop :cool:
 

_JOE_

~SPONSOR~
May 10, 2007
4,697
3
Porkchop said:
Hi Tolle PC here, YUMM YUMM, Fresh squirrel, marinated in Lea & Perrins wo-shire sauce with chopped garlic, caramelized onions, saffron rice, green beans, a tossed green salad, topped with a fine champagne vinegrette. Bon-ep-etee.... :nod:
Great story, Best Regards, Porkchop :cool:
Sounds like an aweful lot of trouble for a tree rat? ;)

Nice squirrel! :cool: Varmint hunting is a hoot. We had a BIG problem with red squirrels where I grew up. They used to get into the tack sheds and chew the saddles and stuff for the horses. :yell: Those break action pellet guns work well also...
 

fatcat216v2

Member
Aug 29, 2009
143
0
_JOE_ said:
Sounds like an aweful lot of trouble for a tree rat? ;)

Hey- some places do it with cockaroaches. That thing at least has MEAT! and LOTS of it.

_JOE_ said:
Nice squirrel! :cool:
Be advised that is not said squirrel with the 92 rounds pumped through it.

_JOE_ said:
Varmint hunting is a hoot. We had a BIG problem with red squirrels where I grew up. They used to get into the tack sheds and chew the saddles and stuff for the horses. :yell: Those break action pellet guns work well also...

Yeah yeah yeah.... That's what Tolle says too. Claims they gnawed on her feet clear up half way through her calves which is why she is so- what it the polite word Tolle- diminutive? (That's musical, eh?) Or shall we say petite?

I was going to post that picture up if you didn't. Once again...you beat me to it. Thank God I am not in a shoot out on the street with you! Quickdraw.
 

Porkchop

~SPONSOR~
Apr 27, 2001
341
0
remember, I earned this name.....

That depends on how hungry you are & how skilled a chef the cook is.
porkchop builds a superb BBQ & is quite experienced at using it. :nener:
 
Apr 30, 2007
657
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_JOE_ said:
Sounds like an aweful lot of trouble for a tree rat? ;)

Nice squirrel! :cool: Varmint hunting is a hoot. We had a BIG problem with red squirrels where I grew up. They used to get into the tack sheds and chew the saddles and stuff for the horses. :yell: Those break action pellet guns work well also...

Those red squirrels are vicious little bastidges! I have seen them beat up and lay down some furry law on the bigger gray squirrels (not as big as fox squirrels) when I lived in town.

We have a lasered up pellet pistol that is used for varmints that get inside (a couple bats and some mice). And pigeons.

The most complicated preperation we'll be attemping, come time when we pick off a few more, will be barbecued squrrel legs. That's about all the useful meat you can pull off one really.

Also, you can't see all the perforations because I was holding it so as to be trophy friendly, so I could show it off online in good taste. And those things have a TON of fur right before winter.
 
Apr 30, 2007
657
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fatcat216v2 said:
Yeah yeah yeah.... That's what Tolle says too. Claims they gnawed on her feet clear up half way through her calves which is why she is so- what it the polite word Tolle- diminutive? (That's musical, eh?) Or shall we say petite?

No, that thing was bunches dead before it even started falling out of the tree!

The term you are looking for is "fun size" I believe?
 

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