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biglou
You Live in California when...
>
> 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
>2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
>3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
>4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
>5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
>6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
>will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
>
>You Live in New York City when...
>
>1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you m ean Manhattan.
>2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State
>Building.
>3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
>Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
>4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
>5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
>makes you multi-lingual.
>6. You've worn out a car horn.
>7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
>
>You Live in Maine when...
>
>1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
>2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
>3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
>4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
>5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
>construction.
>
>You Live in the Deep South when...
>
>1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
>2."y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
>3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
>4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
>5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
>Jean, etc.
>
>You live in Colorado when...
>
>1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
>2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops
>at the day care center.
>3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
>4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
>
>>You live in Florida when...
>
>1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
>2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
>3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
>4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
>5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
You live in Missouri when...
1. You've never met any celebrities , but the mayor knows your name .
2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip"
3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.
5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles.
6. Down South to you means Arkansas.
7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.
8. You know several people who have hit a deer.
9. You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end.
10. Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.
11. You know what "Party Cove" is.
12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you go to?"
14. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
19. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football. (but NEVER Oklahoma!)
20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
21. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
23. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and jello salad with marshmallows.
24. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.
25. You went to skating parties as a kid.
26. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
28. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
29. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports.
30. You think I-44 is spelled and pronounced "farty-far." (St. Louis only)
31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.
32. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
33. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and the Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.
34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
36. You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
37. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Football.
38. You know if another Missourian is from the Bootheel, Ozarks, Eastern, Middle or Western Missouri soon as they open their mouth.
39. You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.
40. You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were cities in Missouri.
(And they are!)
41. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
42. You know what "HOME OF THE THROWED ROLL" means !!!
43. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
>different!"
44 . You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Missouri friends !! :-)
>
> 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
>2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
>3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
>4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
>5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
>6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
>will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
>
>You Live in New York City when...
>
>1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you m ean Manhattan.
>2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State
>Building.
>3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
>Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
>4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
>5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
>makes you multi-lingual.
>6. You've worn out a car horn.
>7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
>
>You Live in Maine when...
>
>1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
>2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
>3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
>4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
>5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
>construction.
>
>You Live in the Deep South when...
>
>1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
>2."y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
>3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
>4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
>5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
>Jean, etc.
>
>You live in Colorado when...
>
>1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
>2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops
>at the day care center.
>3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
>4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
>
>>You live in Florida when...
>
>1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
>2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
>3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
>4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
>5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
You live in Missouri when...
1. You've never met any celebrities , but the mayor knows your name .
2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip"
3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular.
5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles.
6. Down South to you means Arkansas.
7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.
8. You know several people who have hit a deer.
9. You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end.
10. Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.
11. You know what "Party Cove" is.
12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you go to?"
14. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
19. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football. (but NEVER Oklahoma!)
20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
21. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
23. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and jello salad with marshmallows.
24. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.
25. You went to skating parties as a kid.
26. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
28. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
29. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports.
30. You think I-44 is spelled and pronounced "farty-far." (St. Louis only)
31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.
32. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
33. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and the Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.
34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
36. You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
37. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Football.
38. You know if another Missourian is from the Bootheel, Ozarks, Eastern, Middle or Western Missouri soon as they open their mouth.
39. You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.
40. You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were cities in Missouri.
(And they are!)
41. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
42. You know what "HOME OF THE THROWED ROLL" means !!!
43. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
>different!"
44 . You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Missouri friends !! :-)
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