The BERMINATOR … the only “multi-use” trail machine for REAL MEN !!!
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Now that the freezing cold and deep snow have covered all your favorite Michigan trails for the rest of the winter and you’re left at home staring at that dirt bike collecting dust in the garage … well, fellow riders, don’t despair! Our design scientists have been busily working offshore to create the biggest, baddest, boldest trail machine to ever confront Mother Nature … this bad boy is the Binford model for you REAL trail junkies … we call it ‘the BERMINATOR’
Have you ever been confronted while on your favorite machine by one of those exclusive, single track trails that even a rat or a centipede would have trouble crawling down? You know the really tight ones that hammer your bars, rip off your grips, grab your goggles and poke holes in your radiators. These trails need to be taught a lesson … how could anyone find riding through such rocks, ruts, rubble and roots to be fun … well folks, that’s why you need a BERMINATOR … fully equipped with quadruple tracks, double wide cogs and two tons of solid steel between you and that unruly ecosystem. Imagine your glee when you depress the pedal on that 450 bhp diesel motor and hear the whine of that huge supercharger shoving air into the motor … then look in the rear view periscope and see that huge cloud of toxic, black smoke pouring out the dual exhaust stacks [equipped with US Forest Service approved spark arrestors] … all the while, deep in your heart knowing that NOTHING can STOP YOU. That nasty single track is but lunch for your machine … maybe that’s why they call it single track … with just one pass of your BERMINATOR it is reduced to a smooth path that is just over eighteen feet wide and is capable of being spotted from the International Space Station with the naked eye! Now that’s what we call a true ‘multi-use’ trail machine … “if it ain’t multi-use when you get there, it will be when you leave!”
I know that many of you who have read this far are not yet convinced … so that’s why we’re making this very special “after-Christmas 04” offer … for just $19.95, and the title to whatever you’re currently riding, we’ll put you inside the BERMINATOR of your dreams and let you test drive the unit for 30 days. That’s right, 30 full days! Go out to your favorite single track trail and bring it to its knees … chase Mother Nature right out of your county … and just for kicks, watch for one of those “Rhino’s” … they make nice targets … can you remember the sound of stepping on a tin can as a kid?
But wait, there’s more! If you act within the next few minutes our operators have been instructed to include a one year subscription to Motoring Mayhem. This is the magazine dedicated to the reconstruction of Nature via mechanical misconduct. Monthly articles describing such topics as:
* How to level your playing field by eliminating the forest
* Rock mashing – the quick route to concrete in the wild
* BERMINATOR fuel additives for wildlife eradication
* Who says I can’t drive through that [wet land]
* Why night vision scopes cause blindness when combined with diesel fumes
So … don’t wait any longer … this offer will not be repeated. Our operators are waiting to take your call … please have your money and dirt bike title ready to speed your transaction.
*********************************************
perhaps just another vicious rumor, terry nestrick ;)
*********************************************
Now that the freezing cold and deep snow have covered all your favorite Michigan trails for the rest of the winter and you’re left at home staring at that dirt bike collecting dust in the garage … well, fellow riders, don’t despair! Our design scientists have been busily working offshore to create the biggest, baddest, boldest trail machine to ever confront Mother Nature … this bad boy is the Binford model for you REAL trail junkies … we call it ‘the BERMINATOR’
Have you ever been confronted while on your favorite machine by one of those exclusive, single track trails that even a rat or a centipede would have trouble crawling down? You know the really tight ones that hammer your bars, rip off your grips, grab your goggles and poke holes in your radiators. These trails need to be taught a lesson … how could anyone find riding through such rocks, ruts, rubble and roots to be fun … well folks, that’s why you need a BERMINATOR … fully equipped with quadruple tracks, double wide cogs and two tons of solid steel between you and that unruly ecosystem. Imagine your glee when you depress the pedal on that 450 bhp diesel motor and hear the whine of that huge supercharger shoving air into the motor … then look in the rear view periscope and see that huge cloud of toxic, black smoke pouring out the dual exhaust stacks [equipped with US Forest Service approved spark arrestors] … all the while, deep in your heart knowing that NOTHING can STOP YOU. That nasty single track is but lunch for your machine … maybe that’s why they call it single track … with just one pass of your BERMINATOR it is reduced to a smooth path that is just over eighteen feet wide and is capable of being spotted from the International Space Station with the naked eye! Now that’s what we call a true ‘multi-use’ trail machine … “if it ain’t multi-use when you get there, it will be when you leave!”
I know that many of you who have read this far are not yet convinced … so that’s why we’re making this very special “after-Christmas 04” offer … for just $19.95, and the title to whatever you’re currently riding, we’ll put you inside the BERMINATOR of your dreams and let you test drive the unit for 30 days. That’s right, 30 full days! Go out to your favorite single track trail and bring it to its knees … chase Mother Nature right out of your county … and just for kicks, watch for one of those “Rhino’s” … they make nice targets … can you remember the sound of stepping on a tin can as a kid?
But wait, there’s more! If you act within the next few minutes our operators have been instructed to include a one year subscription to Motoring Mayhem. This is the magazine dedicated to the reconstruction of Nature via mechanical misconduct. Monthly articles describing such topics as:
* How to level your playing field by eliminating the forest
* Rock mashing – the quick route to concrete in the wild
* BERMINATOR fuel additives for wildlife eradication
* Who says I can’t drive through that [wet land]
* Why night vision scopes cause blindness when combined with diesel fumes
So … don’t wait any longer … this offer will not be repeated. Our operators are waiting to take your call … please have your money and dirt bike title ready to speed your transaction.
*********************************************
perhaps just another vicious rumor, terry nestrick ;)
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