High school bullies, how to deal with them?
- Thread starter 70 marlin
- Start date
- Feb 9, 2000
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- 2
The Law, anyone harasses you, let them know what they are doing is unlawful, and that if they wish to continue, you will be making a stop at the local police station, not the principals office, not your parents house, but the police station.
In this day and age, retaliation in kind is not the answer, although this is how we sorted out our issues 20 years ago :eek:
Bullies, and their parents (which usually are bullies themselves), only learn if they get hurt themselves, the way to do this is through the law.
You could start with the principal, but you need to make it clear, any further harassment, bullying etc, and its off to the local PD. Don't mess around.
In this day and age, retaliation in kind is not the answer, although this is how we sorted out our issues 20 years ago :eek:
Bullies, and their parents (which usually are bullies themselves), only learn if they get hurt themselves, the way to do this is through the law.
You could start with the principal, but you need to make it clear, any further harassment, bullying etc, and its off to the local PD. Don't mess around.
- Aug 24, 2000
- 3,300
- 1
Back in the day, I got picked on a lot because I was a scrawny lil wide receiver on the football team. One day this big ole linebacker kicked my books all over the hallway, I turned around and dropped him like a sack of taters. Nobody ever messed with me after that.
Of course, if you do that today, you end up getting kicked out of school and charged with assault. Truly sad that a kid can't defend himself anymore.
Now, if a kid calls in the principal or the police, he'll get labeled as a rat, and further harrasment will surely ensue. Tough situation these days. I liked it better when the thinking was "boys will be boys", and a simple altercation like the one I described above, was dealt with by giving each party a couple days of detention and making them shake hands and apologize to each other.
Of course, if you do that today, you end up getting kicked out of school and charged with assault. Truly sad that a kid can't defend himself anymore.
Now, if a kid calls in the principal or the police, he'll get labeled as a rat, and further harrasment will surely ensue. Tough situation these days. I liked it better when the thinking was "boys will be boys", and a simple altercation like the one I described above, was dealt with by giving each party a couple days of detention and making them shake hands and apologize to each other.
- Dec 26, 1999
- 19,774
- 0
What age group? I think that plays a pretty big role in deciding what to do.
Back when many of us were in this situation things were a lot different.
Then:
Dad or mom could usually be contacted and that was the end of it. Sometimes a trip to the principal’s office and an introduction to the large wooden motivator making contact with a be-hind REALLY drove the point home. If all else failed a good scrap on the playground resolved it. I was taught you don't pick on people and to avoid a fight if possible but, if you are forced into a physical confrontation that you be the one that ends it solidly. I can honestly say it's worked for me pretty well and the few instances I had to go to plan "C" the bully gained respect for me and left me alone just because I stood up for myself or my brother or friend.
Today:
Younger kids understand mom or dad finding out is not fun and the principal can make life a real PITA if you’re a problem. Teens seem to only get it if mom or dad come down on them and sometimes the law needs to explain things. Respect for school officials seems to be a pretty large joke to many teens. I do think if it's a teen gang situation that you go directly to the donut shop but let the school administration know so they can be aware of the issue.
My belief:
I do believe everybody responds to a good butt kickin' because I have found very few people actually ENJOY getting hit (myself included).
My solution:
When my son expressed an interest in martial arts we fully supported him and found the best "kid" instructor available. It has made a difference and he has stuck with it for 5 years so far. He is a very quiet child and very passive but he has the ability to end a physical attack even from several attackers in very short order and in a very decisive manner. He does not broadcast this ability nor the fact that he has had to use his skills twice but word does get around and I think that is a deterrent. The school administration was made aware of his abilities when we moved to our new place and that he would only defend himself in an attack and to let us know if there was ever ANY issues with it, they were totally fine with it and appriciated us letting them know.
Advice:
You are the only one that knows your kid so take the information anybody gives you and make the best decision for your child because nobody wants them injured.
Back when many of us were in this situation things were a lot different.
Then:
Dad or mom could usually be contacted and that was the end of it. Sometimes a trip to the principal’s office and an introduction to the large wooden motivator making contact with a be-hind REALLY drove the point home. If all else failed a good scrap on the playground resolved it. I was taught you don't pick on people and to avoid a fight if possible but, if you are forced into a physical confrontation that you be the one that ends it solidly. I can honestly say it's worked for me pretty well and the few instances I had to go to plan "C" the bully gained respect for me and left me alone just because I stood up for myself or my brother or friend.
Today:
Younger kids understand mom or dad finding out is not fun and the principal can make life a real PITA if you’re a problem. Teens seem to only get it if mom or dad come down on them and sometimes the law needs to explain things. Respect for school officials seems to be a pretty large joke to many teens. I do think if it's a teen gang situation that you go directly to the donut shop but let the school administration know so they can be aware of the issue.
My belief:
I do believe everybody responds to a good butt kickin' because I have found very few people actually ENJOY getting hit (myself included).
My solution:
When my son expressed an interest in martial arts we fully supported him and found the best "kid" instructor available. It has made a difference and he has stuck with it for 5 years so far. He is a very quiet child and very passive but he has the ability to end a physical attack even from several attackers in very short order and in a very decisive manner. He does not broadcast this ability nor the fact that he has had to use his skills twice but word does get around and I think that is a deterrent. The school administration was made aware of his abilities when we moved to our new place and that he would only defend himself in an attack and to let us know if there was ever ANY issues with it, they were totally fine with it and appriciated us letting them know.
Advice:
You are the only one that knows your kid so take the information anybody gives you and make the best decision for your child because nobody wants them injured.
CanadianRidr
Sponsoring Member
- Oct 22, 2001
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Marlin this is a tough one but ill give it a go here. Since I was just in High School (in my second year of college now, but went straight to post secondary)
Anyways, everyone has to deal with this crap. Unless you are 6"8 250 pounds you deal with it.
I had issues with certain kids, but when it was just me I would avoid them. It's weird because these kids were druggies, one day they would talk to me the next day I was getting glares in the hallway.
Now the best way I dealt with these kids was as follows: one day it was just too much. I was walking the halls with my girlfriend and something was said as I walked by. I just turned around and faced the guy (he was a little turd) and said, Wanna repeat that?
I got a , "dude just chill out"
The thing is, it's just a certain group of kids, I was pretty popular in High School, had lots of friends, lots of kids who backed me up. I would say I had it fairly easy in HS. But like I said ONE group of kids is enough to cause problems.
Sorry back to the story. When I saw this one kid back down I finally figured them out. These guys were nothing but talk.
From that day forward, it was different. Id see one of these kids glare at me, and id just stand my ground, look them in the eyes and they would back down. It's about intimidation, if they can't intimidate they won't.
The next thing you know, same scenerio. Walking the halls and I see them, so im getting ready to stand tall and one or two of them give me a "nod" like "hey, what's up"
I don't know if this is always the case, and it always sound soooo repetitive, but half these guys are chicken ****s.
My advice to your son would be to stand his ground. Don't back down because its a power trip for the losers.
Now there is a differnence from not backing down and fighting. If he doesn't back down, and one of these kids hits him then it's time to call the cops. No if and's or buts.
Okay im know im dragging this on, but it was a COMMON thing to see a bully come up to some kid and mess with him, and then to have the smaller kid just smile and say "Hit me, my lawyer needs a new lexus"
And it became a funny thing actually, I still remember a big farm boy holding down some city kid, and the city kid just sat back and smiled and said
"What are you going to do? Ill still be alive, bruised but alive, and then you and me will be sitting in court"
Needless to say hillbilly farmer got up.
I loved it :yeehaw:
Okay so this is a long post that's getting pointless, but if you can give us a bit more into the situation ill be glad to help any more.
PS. If you want to fly me out and pay a small fee ill gladly come to school as the new guy and take care of these kids :aj:
Anyways, everyone has to deal with this crap. Unless you are 6"8 250 pounds you deal with it.
I had issues with certain kids, but when it was just me I would avoid them. It's weird because these kids were druggies, one day they would talk to me the next day I was getting glares in the hallway.
Now the best way I dealt with these kids was as follows: one day it was just too much. I was walking the halls with my girlfriend and something was said as I walked by. I just turned around and faced the guy (he was a little turd) and said, Wanna repeat that?
I got a , "dude just chill out"
The thing is, it's just a certain group of kids, I was pretty popular in High School, had lots of friends, lots of kids who backed me up. I would say I had it fairly easy in HS. But like I said ONE group of kids is enough to cause problems.
Sorry back to the story. When I saw this one kid back down I finally figured them out. These guys were nothing but talk.
From that day forward, it was different. Id see one of these kids glare at me, and id just stand my ground, look them in the eyes and they would back down. It's about intimidation, if they can't intimidate they won't.
The next thing you know, same scenerio. Walking the halls and I see them, so im getting ready to stand tall and one or two of them give me a "nod" like "hey, what's up"
I don't know if this is always the case, and it always sound soooo repetitive, but half these guys are chicken ****s.
My advice to your son would be to stand his ground. Don't back down because its a power trip for the losers.
Now there is a differnence from not backing down and fighting. If he doesn't back down, and one of these kids hits him then it's time to call the cops. No if and's or buts.
Okay im know im dragging this on, but it was a COMMON thing to see a bully come up to some kid and mess with him, and then to have the smaller kid just smile and say "Hit me, my lawyer needs a new lexus"
And it became a funny thing actually, I still remember a big farm boy holding down some city kid, and the city kid just sat back and smiled and said
"What are you going to do? Ill still be alive, bruised but alive, and then you and me will be sitting in court"
Needless to say hillbilly farmer got up.
I loved it :yeehaw:
Okay so this is a long post that's getting pointless, but if you can give us a bit more into the situation ill be glad to help any more.
PS. If you want to fly me out and pay a small fee ill gladly come to school as the new guy and take care of these kids :aj:
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- Oct 13, 1999
- 2,812
- 0
Looks like school is back in session, huh?
I watched some sort of cable special on this a while back. The child being picked on should stand up for him/herself. If that fails they should notify a teacher. The parent should contact the teacher and/or administration but never the police or the parent of the bully/bullies. Other students should stand up for the child being teased.
Not that I would believe these suggestions or even follow them myself. In my case a 6'3", 195 lb. sophmore became harder to intimidate than a 5'9", 120 lb. freshman. Get that kid in the weight room!
I watched some sort of cable special on this a while back. The child being picked on should stand up for him/herself. If that fails they should notify a teacher. The parent should contact the teacher and/or administration but never the police or the parent of the bully/bullies. Other students should stand up for the child being teased.
Not that I would believe these suggestions or even follow them myself. In my case a 6'3", 195 lb. sophmore became harder to intimidate than a 5'9", 120 lb. freshman. Get that kid in the weight room!
- Jun 5, 2001
- 7,538
- 18
Age makes a diff, what are we talking about here. I cast my vote for kicking the biggest bully in the nuts and calling it a day. BUT, nowadays you can't. We've had great luck with parents involvement along with the principal. Having the parents called into the office makes a difference. You definately need to make reports with the school for anything that happens. They don't put up with that kind of crap anymore, the kid will be booted out of the district if the need arises. Also, make the PD take an incident report, they'll balk at it but insist. Documentation is what this world has come to, and in the end, you'll prevail. Good luck
- Thread starter
- #9
:p ? sounds tempting. but I'm just a poor white boy. from the corn field, I do have a spare fredette kdx 220. I could show you some really great michigan trails. :yeehaw: but back to jr, being old school my self I feel the about the same as most of you! let that sucker give me one more OZ of crap and it's time to break out a big can of whip ass! but with what has happen in the last two year's and all. I'm sure jr & my self will be doing it differently. oow ya jr 16yrs and small & sticks out like a sore thumb, "skate boarder, hip hopper". the kids are somewere between 17 & 18 yrs old hopfully the later. that would make sooo much easier! my other son tell me there druggies?
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- Feb 9, 2000
- 2,450
- 2
We need to be specific on 'standing up' for yourself. Some bullies are masters at provocation, with hard pushing and shoving, baiting you into a fight. You need to stand fast, and let it be known that you will not be intimidated, that you will not retaliate, but will take it to the highest level if you have to. CCR and Elk have some valid points, let them know the law, and your lawyer are far tougher/stronger than them, so to go ahead, take a shot. I guess these days you can mouth off a little and get away with it. Whoever swings the first punch loses.
Adding Kung-fu or Karate to your portfolio can also be an advantage !
Adding Kung-fu or Karate to your portfolio can also be an advantage !
CanadianRidr
Sponsoring Member
- Oct 22, 2001
- 2,021
- 0
Hmmm.....I do like to ride KDX's :)
Well what are the kids doing? Like actually getting violent? Or just verbally abusive?
I found that with the verbal part, once you start laughing and say "that was pretty weak" and crack a joke back it lightens things up.
Unless the guy has a super crazy temper, this will never result in anything bad.
It could be ignorned, but kids don't seem to get tired these days.
If it comes down to violence, it's usally always the "group leader" who is going to cause the crap, and once your boy stands up he will get his cronies to do something. They never will, have the time this stuff never ends up in a fight just a pushing contest.
I have stood up to a few groups in my day, and 2 out of 3 times they just back down and resort to name calling LOL!
If they don't do that, they will try and act tough and just push you but will never throw a punch, because that takes a bit more than actually hurting someone.
Like I said most the time these kids are worthless punks, scared as crap on the inside.
ps. One tip I used in grade 10 was found one of the biggest kids I could and made friends with him. It was a wise wise move. This was one BIG boy, quiet and friendly. It ended up I wanted to use him as protection, but he because a great friend and I still talk to him this day. And yes he saved my but on one or two occasions, no one will pick on you when you have a 6"2 300 pound guy on your side :aj:
pps. DRNers I accept paypal if you want to fly me out to marlins and ill take care of these goofs, im still 19 so I can pull of the HS look :yeehaw: :confused:
Well what are the kids doing? Like actually getting violent? Or just verbally abusive?
I found that with the verbal part, once you start laughing and say "that was pretty weak" and crack a joke back it lightens things up.
Unless the guy has a super crazy temper, this will never result in anything bad.
It could be ignorned, but kids don't seem to get tired these days.
If it comes down to violence, it's usally always the "group leader" who is going to cause the crap, and once your boy stands up he will get his cronies to do something. They never will, have the time this stuff never ends up in a fight just a pushing contest.
I have stood up to a few groups in my day, and 2 out of 3 times they just back down and resort to name calling LOL!
If they don't do that, they will try and act tough and just push you but will never throw a punch, because that takes a bit more than actually hurting someone.
Like I said most the time these kids are worthless punks, scared as crap on the inside.
ps. One tip I used in grade 10 was found one of the biggest kids I could and made friends with him. It was a wise wise move. This was one BIG boy, quiet and friendly. It ended up I wanted to use him as protection, but he because a great friend and I still talk to him this day. And yes he saved my but on one or two occasions, no one will pick on you when you have a 6"2 300 pound guy on your side :aj:
pps. DRNers I accept paypal if you want to fly me out to marlins and ill take care of these goofs, im still 19 so I can pull of the HS look :yeehaw: :confused:
Calling the parents sounds smart, but its only gonna get the kid harrassed more. He will never live it down.
Are they kids white, asian,black? Gang members? Or just kids.
I am not being a ****** I am trying to see what would be the safest way of handling this. If they are just high school kids, no chances of gang retalliation or anything like that, then I say teach him to headbutt the kid in the nose. A broken nose goes a long way in warning others. Even if he loses the fight they will more than likely go find someone else to pick on. Just make sure he gets some good shots in. If its gang members you might have to come up with another way. When I was a kid even the gang bangers respected someone who was willing to get down. Win or lose we fought hard.
These days the kids are wussies who dont know what to do if they lose a fight.
Bullies will usually back off a kid that will fight back.
Are they kids white, asian,black? Gang members? Or just kids.
I am not being a ****** I am trying to see what would be the safest way of handling this. If they are just high school kids, no chances of gang retalliation or anything like that, then I say teach him to headbutt the kid in the nose. A broken nose goes a long way in warning others. Even if he loses the fight they will more than likely go find someone else to pick on. Just make sure he gets some good shots in. If its gang members you might have to come up with another way. When I was a kid even the gang bangers respected someone who was willing to get down. Win or lose we fought hard.
These days the kids are wussies who dont know what to do if they lose a fight.
Bullies will usually back off a kid that will fight back.
CanadianRidr
Sponsoring Member
- Oct 22, 2001
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ps. as for the druggies thing.
It's a harsh reality, but the kids in school these days like their drugs :|
I mean obviously not the WHOLE school is doing it, but I never ONCE had a problem with anyone in school EXCEPT for the pot smokers etc....They have something to prove. Why do you think they all fry their brain's to fit in?
I remember some kids would be mad at me because I wouldnt buy weed or whatever off them. A simple "you know I don't do that crap" and I get the "you blah blah blah, you wanna mess with us"
:silly: yes, bring all your druggie buddies, pack a lunch and bring an army because ill be waiting.
It's a harsh reality, but the kids in school these days like their drugs :|
I mean obviously not the WHOLE school is doing it, but I never ONCE had a problem with anyone in school EXCEPT for the pot smokers etc....They have something to prove. Why do you think they all fry their brain's to fit in?
I remember some kids would be mad at me because I wouldnt buy weed or whatever off them. A simple "you know I don't do that crap" and I get the "you blah blah blah, you wanna mess with us"
:silly: yes, bring all your druggie buddies, pack a lunch and bring an army because ill be waiting.
- Jun 5, 2001
- 7,538
- 18
Riz is right, if it involves gangs, that's a big difference. Let's hope not, the young gang members don't care about anything and will do something just because it'll make them look better in front of their wussy buddies. They live off of retaliation so tread lightly.
- Thread starter
- #17
the storm is still brewing, but what I could get out of jr is shoving & pushing" calling him a "fa***t. basic intimidation! small town white boy's with to much money in there pockets. graduating class was 60 kids last year.
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- Feb 9, 2000
- 2,450
- 2
Riz, the headbutt was the prime defense in my day, however, these days, your kid could end up going to jail. I think first of all, letting the bullies know you will not be intimidated is where you should start.
I don't think one should be afraid of reporting such issues, what is worse, fear the verbal abuse afterwards, or the constant physical intimidation. Besides, a fast retort is all you need afterwards. Fight with the brain, not brawn.
Why do you think American lawyers do so well .... eh :p
The Tyson's go to Jail, the Cochrane's make millions !
BTW, we had a case here in Amarillo a while back, this jock bully kid gets into a verbal clanging match with some quiet Goth kid, jock boys runs Goth kid over and kills him, rich jock boy gets suspended sentence. Now if this jock had some kind of record, documentation of his harassment, he would have gone down hard.
Justice did finally prevail, the kid was caught drinking when he was 18 or 19, had his suspended sentence revoked and is now serving 10 years !!!
I don't think one should be afraid of reporting such issues, what is worse, fear the verbal abuse afterwards, or the constant physical intimidation. Besides, a fast retort is all you need afterwards. Fight with the brain, not brawn.
Why do you think American lawyers do so well .... eh :p
The Tyson's go to Jail, the Cochrane's make millions !
BTW, we had a case here in Amarillo a while back, this jock bully kid gets into a verbal clanging match with some quiet Goth kid, jock boys runs Goth kid over and kills him, rich jock boy gets suspended sentence. Now if this jock had some kind of record, documentation of his harassment, he would have gone down hard.
Justice did finally prevail, the kid was caught drinking when he was 18 or 19, had his suspended sentence revoked and is now serving 10 years !!!
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CanadianRidr
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- Oct 22, 2001
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You know riz is right. But im pretty sure that out of a graduating class with 60 these kids don't have any gang status, except for the rich white boy club.
I keep replying to this because this crap burns me up.
If your kid doesn't want to retaliate (I don't blame him I never WANTED to hit someone is school)
Just make a scene, if it's in a classroom where the teacher can't see or in a hallway with students, when they push him. Get him to make a scene, toss the books and start yelling "WHAT THE (ENTER CHOICE WORD HERE) IS YOUR (CHOICE WORD) PROBLEM? I DIDN'T DO (CHOICE WORD) TO YOU, SO JUST (CHOICE WORD) OFF. :)
This will at least get the problem known, and these kids fear being exposed.
I keep replying to this because this crap burns me up.
If your kid doesn't want to retaliate (I don't blame him I never WANTED to hit someone is school)
Just make a scene, if it's in a classroom where the teacher can't see or in a hallway with students, when they push him. Get him to make a scene, toss the books and start yelling "WHAT THE (ENTER CHOICE WORD HERE) IS YOUR (CHOICE WORD) PROBLEM? I DIDN'T DO (CHOICE WORD) TO YOU, SO JUST (CHOICE WORD) OFF. :)
This will at least get the problem known, and these kids fear being exposed.
- Aug 24, 2000
- 3,300
- 1
Ahhh, small town bullies. I grew up the same way. It will pass. Your son will find his niche in the world, go about his thing, and the rich bullies will forgtet all about him and target another kid. It's kinda like wolf pack mentality.
Tell your son to stand tall and not take crap off these guys. It will blow over before he knows it. :)
Tell your son to stand tall and not take crap off these guys. It will blow over before he knows it. :)
- Mar 9, 2001
- 3,180
- 0
When I was a freshmen in High school the local low riders, for some reason didn't like the fact that I rode dirt bikes and surfed, so I was always being hassled, one day the guy that thought he was the toughest came into the restroom alone and started mouthing off, we went a couple of rounds and the BS ended, however I was suspended for 5 days and he got 3, my parents understood and I got 5 days surfing some great 3-5 footers with a nice santa ana wind ta boot;
can you say green room
The point is,it needs to end one way or another and a one on one sometimes works
can you say green room
The point is,it needs to end one way or another and a one on one sometimes works
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- Thread starter
- #23
Don't go beyond the green door! BACK OFF VERY SLOWLY and run! the mix of kids are 1/4 white trash, 1/2 good old farm boy's 1/4 rich boy's. Grass lake is small german farming village. that's has grown in to a bed room community for Jackson, lansing & ann arbor. land is still reasonable priced and available.
- Oct 13, 1999
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Option # 1:
Jr. Head butts bully in nose then kicks the side of his knee. This causes even the toughest guys to drop like a rock.
Option # 2:
Bully knocks Jr. to the ground. Jr. grabs bully by the sack and simultaneously pulls and squeezes like he's trying to turn charcoal into a diamond. This will force bully to curl up into a ball on the ground.
Even at my size I was forced to use option 2 on a very large Samoan, so it will work.
Jr. Head butts bully in nose then kicks the side of his knee. This causes even the toughest guys to drop like a rock.
Option # 2:
Bully knocks Jr. to the ground. Jr. grabs bully by the sack and simultaneously pulls and squeezes like he's trying to turn charcoal into a diamond. This will force bully to curl up into a ball on the ground.
Even at my size I was forced to use option 2 on a very large Samoan, so it will work.
CR Swade
~SPONSOR~
- Jan 18, 2001
- 1,764
- 5
This is such a different era than 20-30 years ago. I was the kid who literally moved every 1-2 years. Consequently, being new, short and quiet I usually had to go toe to toe with the reigning ****head. Yes, I learned real quick how to stand up to bullies and back em down but now, even in rural America, it's not just simple kid scraps. It usually involves more deadly force. Believe me, I've stared down the barrell of a gun in a parking lot at our old cruise strip and it will make a you a believer of using the proper channels. Tough question who to use, but do you know of a good law enforcement buddie that might be able to make his or her "presence " known to this pack?
